Amy (Aces MC Series Book 3.5)(7)

By: Aimee-Louise Foster

"I understand, I'm sorry for pushing."

"No you're fine, I just have so much going on up here," I stated tapping the side of my head. "But if you look at the flip side of things it was probably for the best."

Diesel looked at me confused, "What do you mean?"

"Come on Diesel, we've been shagging for well over six months now and he hasn't once mentioned commitment. Can you imagine bringing a baby into all of that mess?" I gave him a small smile but the words were ripping me apart as they came from my mouth. I was right but it didn't lessen the blow and help with the loss I was feeling inside. My thoughts went quickly to Shaun, Diesel and Amber hadn't planned for him to be conceived but he'd been a welcome addition to the family. Maybe this was god's way of just telling me that I wasn't ready yet but I would be in the future.

"There'll be plenty of time for me to have a family and with someone who loves me the way that I love them." I said quietly as I glanced toward Diesel but immediately saw the horror on his face. "What is it?" I asked concerned.

"Nothing Amy, I just think you should get some rest. You've had a rough twenty-two hours and one hell of a shock, I just think you need to take it easy."

Diesel didn't make eye contact and busied himself retrieving his jacket from the back of the chair, "Don't fucking fob me off, what is it Diesel?" I shouted as I sat forward in the bed feeling a shooting pain in my stomach.

"Amy, let's do this later babe, please let's just do this later." Diesel walked towards the door fastening his jacket.

"NO! Let's do this now. You either tell me or I'll get Spike in here and you know that he can't keep secrets."

Diesel stopped in his tracks and slowly turned on his heels so that he was facing me. He sniffed and wiped a tear that had trickled down his cheek with the back of his hand before stepping closer towards the bed.

"You're scaring me Diesel, what's going on?"

He took a deep breath and placed his hands in his pockets, still unable to make eye contact. "There were complications when they operated on you."

"Go on!" I said trying to get him to open up and put me out of my misery.

"This is difficult Ames."

"I don't care, go on!"

Diesel let out a long sigh, "You won't be able to have children Ames, there was nothing they could do."

"What do you mean...nothing as in nothing?" Diesel simply nodded his head and raised his hand to touch me but I pulled away abruptly. "Don't fucking touch me. I don't want you or any other club member near me," I spat angrily. I knew it wasn't Diesel's fault or any other club member for that matter but I was angry and I needed to blame someone, and it was better for me to take that hatred out on the club rather than hating myself for agreeing to help them with their latest operation. Diesel had warned me against helping the club as he didn't want me to put myself in danger but I thought I knew best and because of that I had paid the ultimate price.

I registered the hurt on Diesel's face but I didn't care, I wanted to be alone and needed him out of this room so I could become consumed with my own grief. "Didn't you hear me? I want you to leave now!" I screamed grabbing the pillow from behind me and launching it in his direction. The pain ripped through my stomach at the sudden movement and I let out an almighty scream. Diesel surged forward catching the pillow and coming to my aid but I swatted him away before laying down. "Just go Diesel, just fucking go and leave me alone." He was hurt and I could see him battling with what to do but he knew I'd be stubborn and he wouldn't win.

Diesel nodded his head understanding what I'd just said and turned slowly before walking out of the room. Letting out a loud sigh I tried to contemplate the chain of events and the information Diesel had just given me. I obviously wouldn't be taking what he'd just said as gospel, I'd need to talk to a professional but if his words were true and I had no reason to disbelieve him, then my whole world had just crumbled around me.

I knew one thing for sure though, I couldn't let Recon know of the situation. Diesel and Spike were family so I knew that they'd keep it quiet if I asked them to and to be fair, they had up until now. If I alerted Recon to the situation, then he would only go all out to try to catch the guy responsible for stabbing me if the club hadn't already but I knew that it wouldn't end there, if they got their man then the Dyers would take something of ours and so the friction would continue. If I put a stop to it tonight hopefully everything would become a little better, although the Aces would probably want retribution for the hurt and pain I'd suffered even though they weren't informed about the baby.

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