To Love and to Lose

By: Mercy B


This book is dedicated to a very special young lady that I met as a child, Tasha. Rest well.

To Love and to Lose


“I just can’t, anymore.” Saydee gently shook her head as the salt-filled droplets tumbled down her swollen cheeks.

For the past hour she’d been crunched in a corner, the same place that Leon had left her. After an atrocious hour of horror, Saydee was just thankful to still have breath in her lungs. The constant pain that struck every time she inhaled reminded her of the many jabs that Leon had strategically landed at her midsection.

Blood seeped from the crotch area of Saydee’s distressed denim as she cried to herself. Too afraid to move, she prayed that Leon left soon. With the pain that she was feeling, it was understood that she’d be a while getting up. Saydee didn’t want to run the risk of Leon catching her trying to get up, and have him to force her back down to the floor.

Squeezing her eye lids together, tightly, Saydee thought about how foolish she must’ve sounded for being so cowardly, but it really wasn’t the case. Love had driven her to this point. True love, as she used to call it. Had anyone told her three years ago that the start of her relationship with Leon would lead to destruction, she would’ve told them to go to hell –just before peeling off in one of her dearest Leon’s foreign whips.

The start of their relationship was peachy, as all. Now, three years into their union  , Saydee wasn’t even allowed out of the house without the invisible leash that Leon had wrapped around her neck. Looking back, she tried to remember at what point had things gotten so bad between the two. With her mind trained on the past, she guessed that their turning point was probably the time when Leon found a co-worker’s number inside of her phone and shoved her into the kitchen counter –causing a bruise on her back. Shamefully, Saydee quickly remembered that it had started way before that. As early as the first year, she recollected the way that Leon would squeeze her wrist or arm while trying to get his point across.

It was a small gesture, but she should’ve recognized the warning signs. They were always there. His need to know her every move, and the tampers he’d throw if he didn’t. Even the amount of cellphone data usage was monitored by his craziness. Saydee was forbidden to do anything without his consent or knowledge. Often times, she wondered if wiping her ass after a shit was even okay.

Shaking her thoughts, Saydee slowly turned her body towards the corner of the wall that she was slouched on and strained her eyes to see better. Peering into the bedroom of the enormous mansion that she called home, Saydee watched as Leon dressed. It was such a shame that a man so handsome could be so vicious. As charming as he was, he was lethal.

For the third time, Saydee had found herself pregnant and all alone. Her pregnancy resulted in her very last beating. Leon was completely against children. Yet, he couldn’t find the decency to stop pumping them into her. An abortion clinic wasn’t even an option due to his home remedy –beating the baby out of her. Granted, Saydee didn’t want any children by Leon; however, she hated him for killing her unborn children.

Two minutes passed before Saydee watched Leon place his pistol in his waistband before pulling his shirt over the black handle. Throwing on his Kentucky State fitted cap, he grabbed his cell and keys before heading for the bedroom door. Quickly placing her back against the wall, again, Saydee placed her head into her lap.

The swift kick to her body caused Saydee to jump. Looking up, she stared at the devil himself. Her prayers had gone unanswered. She’d wanted him to pass her up and continue out of the door. The quicker he made his exit, the quicker she could make her escape.

“Clean ya self up while I’m gone… This fucking house too. I want it looking the same way it was two hours ago.” Leon yelled. “You’d better hope that blood don’t stain my carpet either.”

“Okay.” Barely audible, Saydee responded.

“My moms is coming over tonight, so make sure you have something on the stove. Don’t let that shit she start telling you get to your head, either. She ain’t the one that has to suffer the consequences.” Leon barked.

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