You Ain't Bout Dat Life(2)

By: Tisha

I thought I was ok with that. Actually I wasn’t. I hated my stepfather for how he did my mother and I hated her for not leaving. I felt she could sell her body for herself and he was just a pimp trying to get over. He would beat her in front of us and other times when he thought we were asleep. We ate spiced ham sandwiches or whatever money could buy after the hotel room was paid for. However moving in with my aunt and uncle would only make my wounds worse and my pain deeper, but enough about me…This story is about Nate.

Nate was one of those ones who rocked the latest fashions. He was spoiled so all the boys in the hood wanted to be like him since they thought he was selling drugs at an early age. They didn’t know any better; they saw hope and what they wanted to accomplish in life because back in the days when you rocked the latest fashions that was the sign of status in the hood. It’s a sad that your status in life; in the hood depended on if you rocked the latest fashions or not. Nate would call a meeting at his house on the steps of his apartment and make it mandatory like he was the boss. The guys would come like he was. He was the epitome of a flosser, but nobody seemed to notice except me. Why I cared or even noticed is beyond me.

I should’ve been busy being a child…a little girl, but instead I was watching Nate fake ass and seeing him for who he was or wasn’t for that matter. The guys would gather on the steps at the apartments and I would hear Nate asking each of them their plans for the day. Nothing major there of course but then the whispering would begin. That’s when I could no longer hear anything and when I believe Nate was really trying to get into drugs, not knowing he’d be like a lamb in a lion’s den out there; but I guess he didn’t see it like that. He did whatever he did on the low, but on Sunday mornings, he’d be in the house of the Lord with the rest of the family and most likely not by choice, but force. Soon after services, he’d hit the door change out of his church clothes and continue his ways.

I am not the one to throw shade since I wasn’t in any predicament to be throwing it because at least Nate had a family. I was just a statistic…well not really. My mother sold her body for money for a guy who I thought could get a job, but I guess that was illogical. Nate was a flosser and his brother was screwed up in the head. I thought at least he was normal in the family, but I would soon discover how wrong that assumption actually was. I’d soon learn that being privileged doesn’t change a person’s ways or mean everything is perfect and well put together. My name is Desire and this is the story of me, my family, and our crazy-confused ass lives, as we try to step away from judgment, criticism, and build our own legacies in our own ways.


Desire aka Desi realized at a young age that girls were messy and gossiped way too much. For this reason she never cared to be bothered with them. So instead she befriended and only played with boys. When she moved in with her aunt, uncle, and cousins, her cousin Nate took on a role of overprotectiveness. Every time he’d catch her at the playground hanging with boys he’d warn her that wasn’t good and she shouldn’t be playing with boys all day long. Desire thought Nate was a real asshole, but even though he was only eleven Nate was well aware of the nasty thoughts that penetrated boy’s minds. Desire being stubborn and wanting to do her own thing couldn’t understand why he cared. As far as she was concerned he wasn’t her mother, her father, or her brother.

He was just her damn cousin and not the eldest either, knowing he was watching her every move now meant she’d have to watch out for him. Desire portrayed the front of just wanting to be a kid, but secretly she was being grown, playing the ‘mommy and daddy’ game. She’d seen her momma doing it; so she wanted to do it too. For a while she enjoyed playing the mommy and daddy game until one day someone who was supposed to protect and love her, took the game to a whole new level. Nate had no clue about that incident, all he knew was that her ass was being grown, just like Desi knew his ass was flossing. They were more like one another, than either of them wanted to acknowledge. Nate’s older brother and Desire’s older cousin Paul Jr. known as PJ on the other hand was in a category totally different from either of them.

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