Underestimated Too(4)By: Jettie Woodruff
“What is your problem?” I asked Drew, sliding out of my heels. Ah, my toes loved me. I wasn’t even expecting it. I’d bent over rubbing my aching feet when I caught the blunt of Drew’s knuckles. I was stunned. I truly believed Drew would never hit me again. It had been so long, I rarely even thought about it.
“You like rubbing your pussy all over Alicia?” he asked, pulling me up by my hair.
“Drew, are you serious? We were just messing around. You were right there.”
“Shut up, Morgan. Don’t you fucking speak a word.”
I didn’t say another word. I was seeing the Drew that I hadn’t seen since before my accident; the Drew that terrified me. All I could think about was Nicholas. I was afraid he’d hurt me, like really hurt me, and I wouldn’t be there for him. What if he hit me hard enough to cause my brain to bleed again? What if I didn’t know my own son? I panicked, taking a step back. The tears fell on their own. I tried to hold them back. I didn’t want him to see me weak and crying.
“Do you see me, Drew? I’m right fucking here. Do you not see me?”
“, Morgan. Come here. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.” Thank god, he was back.
I cried in his chest as he stroked my back and kissed my head, apologizing over and over. Drew held me in his arms the entire night. I’m pretty sure he didn’t sleep at all. Every time I moved, he pulled me tighter, kissed my hair and whispered, “I love you.” He truly was sorry, and I forgave him.
The following morning he made amazing slow, love to me, and I forgave him—again.
“Drew, this is ridiculous. You can’t just keep changing therapist just because they want you to say something about who you are. You never want to talk about yourself.”
“That’s because there’s nothing wrong with me in general. It’s us together that you—not me— think needs fixing. I think things are fine between us. I love you, and I love you,” Drew said, kissing the freshly bathed baby Nicky on his naked belly. He cooed and grabbed Drew’s bottom lip.
“You hit me, Drew.”
“Morgan, I told you I was sorry. Have I done it again? I told you, I wouldn’t let it happen again, didn’t I?”
“What if it does?”
“Then we’ll do the counseling thing.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise, now go take your clothes off so I can play with your pussy.”
“DREW! You can’t say stuff like that in front of Nicky.”
“Trust me. He has no idea what I just said and stop calling him Nicky. He can’t take over the business with a pussy name like that.”
“Will you stop saying that in front of him? Give him to me. I want to rock him to sleep.”
“I want to rock him to sleep.”
“You did it at nap time.”
“Yeah, but I have to leave tomorrow for two days.”
“I don’t want you to leave, Drew. I like you being here with us at night. I hate sleeping alone.”
“You’re never alone. I’m always with you when you sleep. All I have to do is turn my computer on and I see you sleeping. I watch you sleeping every night I’m away from you. And you,” Drew said, kissing Nicholas’ pajama covered belly.
“It’s not the same, and I can’t just flip on the computer and see you.”
“Yes, you can. You do it every night with Skype.”
“That’s different. I can’t just turn it on and see you like you can.”
“Is that what you want? You want me to set up a camera wherever I am? That way you can see me?”
I smiled a pouty smile. “No. It’s not about the cameras,” I admitted.
“I know, the point is you don’t want me to leave you. Did you see that big black hair coming out the side of that woman’s face today? Gross. And you wanted me to tell her personal things about us,” Drew said, diverting the question away from the seriousness and on the therapist we’d seen earlier.
“Come on, let’s go put this little guy to bed.”
“And then you’ll take your clothes off?”
“As long as you quit saying that dirty word in front of my son.”
“Pussy is not a dirty word.”
“Yes, it is. Stop saying it.”
Drew lifted Nicholas to the air, facing him. He needed to see him for this serious conversation. “Pussy is not a dirty word. Pussy is amazing. Stay away from it. It’s an awful addiction.”
“I’m warning you.”
“Come here, Mommy,” Drew teased, pulling me on his lap. I took Nicholas and snuggled in Drew’s chest while we both cuddled our son. Drew rocked us and I hummed, watching our baby’s eyes get heavier and heavier and then close with a deep relaxing breath.