My Date From Hell

By: Tellulah Darling

The Cheat Sheet to My Life Thus Far

Sophie Bloom: Me. Sixteen. Phenomenal underachiever. Life turned upside down by a midnight kiss from a bad boy that awoke my true identity as Persephone, Goddess of Spring. Am supposed to be savior of humanity in war between Hades and Zeus. I’ve got Persephone’s most excellent powers, but no access to her memories. So much for coasting through life.

Persephone: Was kidnapped by Hades’ son Kyrillos as the “screw you” move in his war against Zeus. She became Kyrillos’ big love. Sixteen years ago, they plotted cosmic coup to usurp their dads, Hades and Zeus. Murdered by ?? for ?? No clue. Her spirit ended up in my newborn body. Would probably have murdered her myself because she’s so annoyingly beloved by all.

Kyrillos (a.k.a. Kai): Stupid bad boy who kissed me. Also Persephone’s boyfriend. Talk about complicated. Public enemy number one for betraying me and my friends by first stealing friend’s magic chain in order to have his own revenge on Hades, then abandoning us and leaving us to die in an exploding dragon’s lair. Plan to blast on sight if I ever see him again. Except that somehow Kai and I are supposed to defeat Hades and Zeus and save humanity together. Payback will have to be more painful assault than full-on murder.

Theo: My best friend who turned out to be Prometheus, the god who gave fire to mankind. Has major grudge against Zeus. Responsible for spiriting Persephone’s dying body away and making some cockamamie deal with a crackpot witch at the cost of his own powers to put Persephone into baby Sophie. Memory spell included. Theo warded up our boarding school, Hope Park Progressive, to keep me safe, which is good because now Hades’ and Zeus’ minions hang about trying to get in and kill me. True owner of (now-stolen) cool magic chain that is one hell of a weapon. Between getting ripped off and having his plans bunged up by the kiss that jumpstarted my goddessness, Theo’s not a happy camper these days.

Demeter: Persephone’s mom who roamed the earth in grief when Persephone was kidnapped. Hasn’t bothered to make my acquaintance, but I’m hopeful she’s just in grave danger and will greet me with arms outstretched at first possible opportunity. Otherwise, sole maternal figure in my life is limited to drunk, adoptive socialite mother Felicia. Shudder.

Hannah: Gorgeous science freak and best friend. Obsessed with bloodthirsty creatures. 100% human. Still weird.

Bethany: Power-tripping Yoga girl who spouts new age BS to rule the school. Now also evil asshat with magically enhanced popularity thanks to a tattoo on her arm, given for being a willing handmaiden to the insane dragon that almost killed the rest of us. Mutual hatred. Has not forgiven me for locking her in a bathroom and taking her place to go meet Kai, resulting in aforementioned stupid kiss. Because that worked out so well for me. *snort*

Cassie: Offbeat human classmate. My awakening triggered her own prophetic powers, since she is a descendent of the original Oracle, Cassandra. Her mystical pronouncement of “one above one below alive awake a key it is no more it is no more,” did seem to support Kai’s earlier assertion that when “two became one”—i.e. he and I had sex—his power as son of Hades and mine as daughter of Zeus would allow us to seize control and, at the very least, stop our dads from using Earth as a battleground. They blame natural disasters for their damage. Humans have been the casualties long enough. That is going to change. On my watch. Cassie may also have prophesied that I was “an instrument of destruction” but really, that could be interpreted in so many ways, I can’t afford to worry about it just now. I have to spend all my worrying on my continued existence.

Hades: Lord of the Underworld. Despite having kidnapped Persephone, he was probably not the psycho who tried to kill her. Theo and I are on the hook, however, for having poisoned him during a little B&E visit to the Underworld recently. Which we totally didn’t do. Still, I’m hoping being poisoned keeps him busy. Hades hates Zeus more than hates me though, so you know, an upside.

Zeus: Were Zeus to put up an Internet dating profile, it would read as follows: Top god. Dark hair, brown eyes, mega-rich, loves action films, pistachio ice cream, and suits. Interested in warfare, himself, and adultery. Brunettes preferred. My, well, Persephone’s dad. He recently kidnapped me up to Olympus. Father/daughter time not going so well. Probably time to bolt.

Also By Tellulah Darling

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